I quit my job 2 weeks ago. I’ve gained weight in the last 14 days. I really thought if I quit my job, I’d be able to meet my goals and be more content. This year has been stressful in one way or another for most people. My husband and I are both nurses. I did not deal directly with patients, but I was directly involved with hospital policies during this pandemic, and investigating and reporting COVID cases. My husband works in Critical Care. His unit is the unit taking care of all of the critically ill COVID patients.
We have three little kids, ages 3, 5, and 8. My husband and I have worked opposite days most of the last 8 years. We often went weeks with only a couple days off together. When I got my last position, it was business hours, so only my husband was working 12-14 hour shifts. It really improved our quality of life, in that, even if we didn’t have a day off together some weeks, we at least had dinner together as a family more nights than not. Then the pandemic hit and I was working extra and schools shut down. We went from having days off together be few and far between, to almost non-existent.
Our kids are back in school and the measures in place have been successful it seems, because there haven’t been outbreaks or clusters linked to school attendance (knock on wood). The school takes quick action when there is a possible exposure and sends that cohort home for the quarantine period. There are strict rules about attending with any symptoms. I agree this is a necessary and prudent approach, but with 3 kids, it has meant one of us had to call into work more often than we ever had before. A minor sore throat or a runny nose would not have been something warranting staying home from school in the past, but now, we don’t take any chances. There continues to be the possibility of schools closing again as the numbers of COVID in our community spikes.
We decided I should stay home. It was not a decision we came to lightly. Our income is literally being cut in half. I have wanted to pursue my own business for a long time. Months ago, long before I decided to quit, I signed up for a Life Coaching certification class. I don’t graduate until April, but I have learned a lot about the power of our thoughts, and why we do what we do (or don’t do) as humans. One of the teachings is not to quit a job until you are happy there. The job is simply a circumstance – it is our thinking about the job that causes us to be happy or unhappy.
I made it a goal to only leave once I was in a “good place.” When I decided to leave, I thought it was good timing because I was proud of the work I was doing and had resolved some issues I had with my boss. I thought it was good timing with the kids and everything, but in all honesty, while I was in a “good place,” I wasn’t “happy”. I still had an undercurrent of discontentment. Despite what I’ve learned through coaching, I still thought once I quit, I’d be happy and therefore immediately be motivated to reach my goals.
Well. I have been off work for 2 weeks now. I am actually farther from one of my main goals – to lose weight – than I was when I quit. I have GAINED five pounds in the last 14 days. The very first day I was off, was the perfect picture of how I wanted it to go. I felt like an amazing mama, got the kids to school without feeling frustrated, took the dog on a walk, worked out, showered, put makeup on, and did the household chores I’d planned. I went to bed feeling satisfied that I was going to rock this stay-at-home-mom thing! Until the next morning happened.
I woke up with that familiar feeling of discontentment. The feeling that somewhere is better than here. That the future holds the key to happiness. I have been learning that any emotion we want is available to us now, in this moment. When you are constantly seeking happiness from the external world, it’ll always be just out of your grasp.
I know intellectually that my true happiness and contentment starts with learning to be happy and content with myself. The reason I’ve gained weight the last couple of weeks is because I still have that discontentment with myself that I have always had… but now I have a whole lot more time with just myself. Instead of working on myself, I buffer with food and laziness. Which only leaves me feeling fatter and feeling worthless.
I often look at my children – at how much they grow in a year – and think about the difference a year can make. I think: What if I took care of myself the way I know I should, for just one year straight? Most of our choices make little difference one day to the next, but the cumulation of decisions over time can completely change our lives. A year from now, I want to be the person I know I have the potential to be. The person who takes care of herself, a great mom/friend/sister/daughter/wife, a successful businesswoman, and overall someone who sets goals and knows without a doubt I will accomplish them.
I know the first step is to address that low hum of discontentment and to be happy exactly where I am in this moment. The circumstance doesn’t change my thoughts. The feeling is from my thoughts, subconscious and conscious. Once I understand my thoughts, I can choose new ones. Changing my thoughts will change that feeling of discontent, which will drive me to take action and ultimately lead to the results I want in my life. I believe this intellectually. It just makes sense. I’m willing to trust the process.
The Difference A Year Can Make 