I frustrate myself. I have great intentions, but poor execution. I am overwhelmed with the idea of what it will actually take to lose weight, so I just don’t try. My house is a mess and I don’t know where to start, so I do nothing. The pantry is so organized now and it gives me immense pleasure and pride when I go in there. Everywhere else in this house is chaos.
My husband is patient and he believes in me. He’s also annoyed and trying not to be unkind. He’s giving me the benefit of the doubt that the kids being off for Christmas break is a factor in the lack of progress on the house.
My husband is working crazy hours caring for patients, many of whom won’t survive. Being an ICU nurse, usually dealing with cardiac patients, he is no stranger to death, but it’s never been like this. All of the patients on his unit are critically ill COVID patients. There hasn’t been a single day in over a month without at least 2 deaths.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be there. I want him to come home to a peaceful environment to counteract what he’s going through at work. He seems to be holding up ok. He says he just reminds himself to accept the reality of the situation, but normally death is the exception, not the rule. I feel guilty because I think I am adding to the stress by not having the house in a better state. I need to stop procrastinating and get things done!
One win today: We were “this” close to ordering out. The day got away from us and before we knew it, it was dinner time. The problem with us is we want to please each other, so if one wants takeout, we aren’t good at telling the other no. I was browsing menus to decide what to order.
Sometimes it seems once we decide to order out, there’s no going back. Earlier this week, I had planned our meals for the week and gotten groceries. Everything we needed to make a meal was on hand. I stopped mid-browsing and said, “Actually, I’m just going to cook.” O put my phone down and I cooked. We ate. We saved a ton of money, which since I’m newly unemployed, is vital. Then we drove around with the kids looking at Christmas lights. It was wonderful. I am so grateful to be able to have days off together to do things like that. I don’t want to procrastinate away this opportunity to be home.
The Difference A Year Can Make 