This post is kind of funny, after writing yesterday about how my girls are so confident and love their looks. Today was another moment in body image concerns, but this time it was my body image. I was putting lotion on my stomach and my 3 year old was in the bathroom with me. She kind of laughed and said, “Mama, your tummy is so big!” She’s very animated, so she threw in some wide, shocked eyes with the comment.
Tonight marks the day that now all 3 of them have made a comment about my being fat, specifically my belly. My first was about five when she asked me, “Mama, you’re kinda fat, huh?” My middle one recently told me “You’re not tall like daddy, because your belly is so big.” Then tonight, the 3 year old made her observation. Gah.
I don’t make a big deal about it, but it sucks. I agreed with them in a neutral tone. I said it’s because I don’t eat enough vegetables. They have never seen me on a diet. I don’t want them to watch me fluctuate. I don’t want them to see me go on and off diets. The only thing I want them to see, is me making lasting and sustainable changes.
I don’t hide my body from them. We have an open door policy in our house… literally the doors are almost always open (unless it’s something they definitely shouldn’t see). Our master bedroom opens to a large master bathroom. The girls often hang out in our room or in the bathroom (it’s my favorite thing about this house, it’s very large and carpeted). I don’t go out of my way to change in front of them, but I don’t ask them to leave when I need to change.
I remember my mom always covering her body the few times I happened to walk in while she was changing. I remember it making me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, as if being seen naked was horrifying. I was that girl in the locker room changing in the bathroom stall, because it was demonstrated to me that being seen naked was shameful. I decided I wasn’t going to hide from my girls. My oldest made a comment when I was changing a while back, and I told her, “It’s just a body. You don’t have to be in here.” She shrugged and decided to stay with me and keep chatting.
My husband comes home and takes a shower when he gets off work. The girls like to brush their teeth and hair in our bathroom because there’s plenty of room. They’ll talk to him while he’s in the shower and don’t think twice about it. He asked me once, when we should stop letting them in our room when he’s changing? I told him when they are uncomfortable with it, they’ll stop coming in all the time, or ask us not to change in front of them. For now, they don’t even notice it. My 3 year old only noticed my belly today because I brought attention to it by putting on the lotion at that particular moment.
We were on the beach last summer with a couple who has 3 girls. A baby boy was running around naked in the sand. Their 3 girls kept looking and making a big deal about it, saying, “Oh my god, he’s naked!” My girls were oblivious to what the big deal was, especially since it was a toddler. There are a few beaches that we go to that people sunbathe naked on. The beach is amazing, and if we let the one or two sunbathers bother us, we’d have missed out on some of my favorite lake days we’ve ever had. It’s just a body. Just look the other way.
I think I’m doing a good job in the sense that I am teaching them to be comfortable in their skin, by not outwardly shaming my body. I think that’s one of the reasons they are so confident in their bodies. It’s why it’s so important that they see me taking care of my body. It’s not what we say, but what we do that influences kids the most. Right now I’m teaching them some horrible habits. That is the worst part of where I am at today. Fearing that I’m ingraining bad eating habits and poor choices in my girls.
It’s just a body, but it’s the only body we get, so we should care for it and love it. I’m starting with tiny steps. Yesterday and today, I drank 64+ ounces of water. Tomorrow I’m adding logging my food to my healthy habits. At the very least, I need to be more mindful about what I am putting in my body.
The Difference A Year Can Make 