I’m was/am a super picky eater. As a kid, dinner time was a constant battle. I hated it. I always felt like something was wrong with me. Everyone was always mad and annoyed that I was “just being difficult”. It wasn’t like I enjoyed being in trouble for a large majority of meals for most of my childhood. I still remember being excluded from activities because I wouldn’t eat what was on my plate.
I’ve had people say “I used to be picky, but then I stayed with my uncle and it was eat what’s served or go hungry.” Cool story, but they obviously weren’t the degree of picky I had. I went to bed hungry all the time and still refused. I’ve been in situations where I’ve eaten very little for a prolonged period of time and held out because the only options were gross. If we were in an extreme situation where I was literally starving, I’d obviously force myself to eat for self preservation, but there’s a good chance I’d struggle to get it down without throwing up.
People who are not picky, don’t get it. I try to explain it like this: most people have at least one food that is absolutely repulsive to them. Imagine if someone made you eat that thing every day. My list of repulsive things was just much broader than the average person.
Over time, I have tried more and enjoy many more things than I used too, but it’s still pretty limited. Textures get me, even on foods I normally like. Sometimes even simple things like chicken, every now and then I’ll take a bite and decide it’s not quite right and I can’t make myself eat it. A lot of the appeal of processed foods is the consistency. You get what you expect every time.
I now have a picky eater of my own. One of my three daughters is so much like me with food. There are things that she does that I have never done in front of her. Things that I outgrew long before she was born. The whole nature vs nurture concept… is some of it just the way we are wired?
At the same time, there are habits that they do see me doing that are definitely learned. I have a lot of guilt and fear about how I am failing them in this. I’m not a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ kind of person and I have a hard time with the idea of being a hypocrite. I let them snack way too much. I am not teaching them limits and boundaries with food. I am so worried about messing it up on one end of the spectrum, that I’ve allowed it to go so far the other direction.
I think if I put my foot down suddenly, that it would create issues as well. The fact is, if I want my kids to be healthy and have healthy habits, I need to demonstrate it and build it up at a slow and steady pace. I believe I’ve gone wrong in a lot of ways, but I also believe it’s not too late to turn it around.
With that being said, I won’t force my picky one to eat things that make her gag. I remember being made fun of and being told I was being dramatic when foods triggered my gag reflex. I felt the anger and understood that there must be something wrong with me. It’s not like every food she isn’t wanting to try causes her to gag. Off the top of my head, broccoli is the main culprit for her. The difference is that I believe gagging is a REFLEX and don’t take it as her misbehaving.
I’ve tried fighting with the reality of how I am. I’ve wanted to be someone who eats salads and loves all the foods “normal” people like. Resisting reality is one of the major causes of emotional suffering though and it just makes me feel worse. I’ll buy all kinds of veggies and then make my husband eat them or, sadly, they go bad before I get to themselves. Then I feel horrible and fall into guilt, which that just makes for even more feelings of failure. If I can’t force my own self to eat enough veggies, I find it hard to try to tell my kids to do it.
At the same time, I care about them getting all the things they need. They like smoothies. I put spinach in them, they see me do it, add Greek yogurt and berries and they drink it. They take a multivitamin. I think it’s an good alternative to get some nutrients in them. They think it’s a huge treat, but the only thing I put in it that give me pause is apple juice. It’s not a lot and gives it just enough sweetness that they don’t care about the spinach.
So tonight we all drank our smoothies. I’m testing the limit on how much spinach I can add before they won’t drink it. It’s quite a bit so far. It felt good to drink it and seems like a treat but is healthy. Part of me wants them to drink it everyday, the other part worries if they have it too often, they’ll lose interest. So, I’m only giving it to them 3-4 days per week.
Food struggles suck. If I could be “normal,” I would. For instance, I can’t stand beer. In high school, it was a hard pass. I wanted to fit in, but i just couldn’t make myself sip on a beer when it taste so horrible to me. Another example: I feel left out when everyone is like “let’s go to sushi!” (In the pre-COVID days). Most places have a teriyaki chicken option, but Sushi is a very social thing. The meal is part of the interaction. So if I go, I’m always on the outside. People literally tell me, “You are missing out, this is so good!” I wouldn’t choose that if I had a choice in the matter.
The Difference A Year Can Make 