Day 43 of 365 | Not Starting Over

I decided on 12/21/2020 that I was starting my weight-loss journey. I can’t count how many times I’ve “started” a plan. I think I was maybe 9 years old the first time I “realized I was fat” and started eating a little less in front of people. By middle school, I ate very very little in front of people. I just waited until I got home… I was doing intermittent fasting before it was cool. It was for all the wrong reasons though. I have always had eating quirks, so some of it was just that I didn’t like people asking why I did things. Such as, picking apart my pizza- eating all the components, but not at the same time. I don’t like when things touch and I was (am) super picky about what I’m willing to eat. Sorry- I’m off on a tangent. My point is, I have “started” at least hundreds of times.
It is a Monday on the first of a new month. My brain thinks that’s a great time to “start” my plan. I’m not “starting” though. I started for the last time on 12/21/2020. This is just a continuation of my journey. I wanted/want to see how much of a difference a year can make if I don’t quit. Day 22 – Day 42 didn’t move me closer to my goals. I even gained a bit more weight. Ugh. But I am not going to beat myself up. I am going to be kind and have compassion for my self.
This is day 43, not day 1. I am not going to allow myself to feel like the last 42 days were a complete failure. They weren’t. If I regret the food and the lack of exercise, if I want to erase those days, then I have to erase the time with my kids and my husband. I have to delete they joy of little kids on Christmas, the snow day with the snow fort and the snowman. I have to delete every hug and kiss and moment of laughter. I don’t want to delete those. No- good or bad. Those days all counted.